


Fine

by otppurefuckingmagic



Series: Malec Tumblr Prompts [6]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: 5 Times, Arranged Marriage, Coming Out, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-20
Updated: 2016-03-20
Packaged: 2018-05-27 21:48:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6301639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/otppurefuckingmagic/pseuds/otppurefuckingmagic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>From this prompt:</p><p>Five times Alec and Magnus aren't fine, and 1 time they are</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fine

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Italiano available: [Bene](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6544180) by [Katerina_Hummel_Di_Angelo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katerina_Hummel_Di_Angelo/pseuds/Katerina_Hummel_Di_Angelo)



1.

Magnus peers at the forsaken body in front of him and realizes, with a twist of his stomach, that this decomposing monster isn’t what’s really making him sick.

“Sorry, Magnus,” Isabelle says.

It’s the first he’s heard about the possibility of an arranged marriage for Alec, and the implications eat at him in a way they shouldn’t.

He nods, and plasters on a fake smile. He believes she really is sorry. But there’s nothing she can do about it. Nothing he can either.

“It’s quite alright,” he responds.

But it’s not. Not at all.

****

2.

Alec stands in front of Magnus and tells him “I’m fine.” That he doesn’t need help healing his wound.

It’s a phrase Alec has repeated a lot today, with more vehemence every time he has to get that lie past his lips. But he’s been telling himself and everyone around him lies about how _fine_ he is for years.

Why stop now?

The biggest lie isn’t how _not fine_ he is, though. It’s an omission of the truth–that he can’t bear to have Magnus offering him healing when all he can give is hurt back.

His life is imploding. He doesn’t need to drag Magnus into destruction with him.

So he insists he’s good and walks away. 

It’s the only choice he has.

****

3.

Alec tells Magnus he’s getting married and that it’s not for love but something he must do anyway. He stumbles over his words, speaking about family and a solid partnership….

Magnus knows Alec _wants_  what he’s saying to be truth. So, of course, Magnus says, “It’s fine.” Even when he knows there’s a much more honest answer in his heart.

But honesty was Magnus telling Alec that he’d unlocked something inside him, and Alec had no idea how much strength it had taken Magnus to get those words past his lips. How much he’d given of himself in that simple answer–the history, the stories, and the pain he’s kept locked up tight. Admitting to Alec that meeting him had changed Magnus in some fundamental way–a way that Magnus himself didn’t quite understand–was honest. 

Magnus can’t give pieces of himself away like that anymore.

He knows Alec isn’t marrying for love. And he’s been around long enough to see his share of marriages of convenience. He knows that it’s common for one or both people in political unions to take on a lover…..

But Magnus doesn’t want that. He has this foreign burning in his chest as he looks at Alec and cutting remarks come rolling off his tongue. It’s not what he wants to say, but this undefinable need for _more_ from Alec guts him. He wishes he could identify where it’s coming from, so he can cut it out–excise it–and breathe again. He shouldn’t want Alec at all.

So he says it’s fine even though it isn’t– _he_ isn’t.

But what other choice does he have than to pretend?

****

4. 

Magnus goes home and he calls Catarina. He expects her to be short with him, uncaring about his nephilim problems. But she hears the tone of his voice and she understands.

“For a warlock who is centuries old, something new and different is rare, Magnus,” she says, her voice carrying the leaden weight of too many memories. “These mortals are so fragile, though. Maybe it’s for the best.”

“Maybe,” he answers, picking at the edges of a sage plant as he stares out his window, eyes unfocused. There is a harsh fall rain driving against the glass, and Magnus maudlin mood matches the grey of the sky outside. Magnus realizes in this moment that his life has become an overused metaphor and he thinks, _What am I doing to myself?_ He straightens his shoulders, stands tall, and feigns a hearty, carefree chuckle. “I don’t know what I’m thinking. I’m okay. It was silly of me to even call.”

Catarina sighs. “You’re _not_ okay,” she insists, her voice kind. “But all you have is time. You will be.”

He wishes he didn’t sympathize with the sky like a forlorn teenager.

He wishes his life wasn’t as predictable as it’s become.

“You will be, Magnus,” Catarina says again.

He wishes it were that simple.

****

5.

Alec stands at the altar, holding Lydia’s hands in his. There are words being said, instructions being given, but he can’t focus on any of it.

All he can see is the shine that was in Magnus’ eyes when he told him about this marriage. For a moment he hoped. For a moment he wondered what would happen if….

But then Magnus said goodbye with such finality that Alec knew–whatever possibility had been there between them didn’t exist anymore. Not as far as Magnus was concerned. It was simple flirtation anyway. Just another conquest for the aged warlock. Of course it would be easy for Magnus to set him to the side. There would be a queue of willing men and women standing behind Alec for a chance with Magnus. With so many options, how could Alec begin to think that he would be the first in that line? Alec had never been the first consideration for anyone.

Alec closes his eyes and realizes…even himself. He’s never been the first consideration for _himself_.

He looks up–at Lydia, at Izzy, at his family–and he knows he’s not fine.

And even though there’s no future with Magnus, he can’t live his life like this. He will never grow to love Lydia in the way a wife deserves. He will never be able to change who he is.

He doesn’t _want_ to.

But he’s here now, and he doesn’t know how to change his fate.

He’s not fine, and yet he still doesn’t know if that’s enough of a reason to say _no_.

Alec opens his mouth to speak….

****

6.

“I’m sorry it took me so long,” Alec says as he barrels through the front door, sweeping inside with arms full of bags. “But I forget how packed the streets are in December and with me not using my invisibility rune as much I keep getting these stares. I mean, really, what are they looking at anyway?”

Magnus sits up from his spot on the couch and watches Alec drop his packages on the counter, a smile inching up Magnus’ lips. He’s quite sure he knows exactly what all those mundanes are staring at. Alec is a stunning man, to say the least. And yet none of them are as intimately aware as Magnus is of just how stunning Alec Lightwood is.

“You really have to ask, Alexander?” Magnus quips.

Alec stumbles over his words at that, as clumsy with his tongue as he is graceful with his body. “I don’t…. I just…. Anyway, I got that spicy dish you love so much and a bottle of that ridiculously expensive whiskey you like. Thought that we could celebrate my first official night living here somehow….” Alec stops moving around and faces Magnus, his features gone serious. “If that’s okay with you?”

“It’s fine,” Magnus answers, going over the back of the couch and reaching out for Alec. Pulling a laughing, vaguely protesting Alec onto their couch to lay on top of him. Alec grins–that foolish lop-sided grin that makes Magnus feel like the weakest man in the world, and yet the strongest. Magnus sits up and takes Alec’s lips in a soft kiss that is the coldness of the New York streets and the warmth of familiarity.

Alec rubs his cheek against Magnus’ then settles his lips against Magnus’ neck, snuggling into him. “You sure it’s okay?”

Magnus circles his arms around Alec and holds him tight. “It’s more than fine, Alexander.”

And this time it really is.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm on tumblr @otppurefuckingmagic ♡ xx


End file.
